CARDI 101: HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD

Cardi B can’t lose. At all. She had an incredible 2017, and when people thought she was only stretching her 15 minutes of fame to an unbearable amount, she made it evident that she was here to stay whether you like it or not. All of her haters can suck her “d*ck.” From the pole to IG to TV to platinum plaques. Her name has been inscribed in the music industry history books already. Let’s unpack some of Bardi’s greatest successes to date.

1. Coachella

Beychella was a the epitome of any Coachella performance (or actually any performance ever) but BOACHELLA was in full effect for two weekends! The first week, Cardi rocked a Left-Eye inspired look in $400K worth of jewels, but was obviously pregnant. If you think that stopped her from throwin’ that a$$ in a circle, you don’t know Bardi. She dropped down and got her eagle on to perform “She Bad” with YG, and set the internet on FIRE with memes. She also brought out Kehlani, whose freshly platinum hair we enjoy, to do their collab “Ring.” And Cousin Chano aka Chance the Rapper *heart eyes* also pulled up for Cardi’s set to rock the stage with “Best Life.” A monumental moment on a monumental stage.

2. Talk Show Success

Cardi is proving to be a talk show darling! Just this past week, she was on The Ellen Show, defending the aforementioned pregnant performance saying “I was just trine show y'all how I got pregnant in the first place!” She’s also a favorite on Jimmy Fallon, having performed and been interviewed multiple times. And did you catch her in head-to-toe Versace at TRL? *bigger heart eyes* Wake up, y’all! This is what mainstream success is made of! MULTIPLE PRIMETIME TALK SHOW APPEARANCES (and not just performances).

3. SNL

The career milestone that is Saturday Night Live. Over 40 seasons of being on the air and it’s NEVER been cancelled. It might be the longest running series on TV right now but I actually don’t feel like googling…just know it’s been a round for a LONG ASS TIME. This was such a roaring accomplishment for Cardi, especially as an NYC native. But let’s talk about her team’s strategy! For WEEKS people have been speculating on the status of her uterus; occupied or otherwise. THIS was THE time to unveil if ever she had a perfect time. Cardi, in front of millions of viewers (this was also the night Chadwick Bozeman aka Black Panther aka Ze Preens uv WAKANDUH was hosting) revealed her pregnant belly to her thoughtful and vulnerable song “Be Careful.” Once the crowd realized what was happening, they started applauding like crazy, just like I did…but from my couch…sadly.

4. Album Performance

Cardi’s major label debut, Invasion Of Privacy, hit the chart last week at #1 but couldn’t hold on for an encore performance. (The title was handed to country music artist Jason Aldean and his Rearview Town project.) But with 128,996 total album equivalent units moved (25,621 in pure album sales and a streaming count of 142,279,162), she still landed at #2, marking another impressive week for the Bronx-bred rapper. She also shattered….SHATTERED Taylor Swift’s Apple Music record. The rapper's debut album has now become Apple Music's most-streamed album by a female artist in its first week at more than 100 million streams, destroying Taylor Swift’s Reputation by more than double the streams mid-week. Cardi B also passed Ed Sheeran and The Weeknd to become the fifth most-streamed album of all-time. So you can hate everything else if you want BUT…..numbers don't lie, bae. Sorry.

5. Personality

The reason we (normal broke people and celebrities alike) love Cardi! Sis keeps it real. Period. We love how rough she is around the edges. She almost makes us feel like we could do anything. She's from the hood like us. She's been through some sh*t like us. But she made it through. She’s bossed up. How can you not love her story? THE REAL AMERICAN DREAM, OKURRRR!!!!